Bella and Emmet get drunk and meet harry potter
by Alice Cullen's best friend x
Summary: The Harry Potter gang go to Forks for a break. The Cullens really want to meet them but it all goes crazy when Bella and Emmet happen to be drunk on O-Negative! M cus i'm paranoid. Short story but quite funny.
1. Chapter 1

**Kind of a random story. I do not own Twilight or Harry Potter or True Blood.**

HPOV

It was our first day at forks high school. Dumbledore suggested that we take a break and go to Muggle School for a while. It was me (harry), Hermione, Ron and Malthoy. We were sat at a table alone when we saw them. "Who are they?" malthoy asked. They were beautiful. All so different…but the same. They looked different, not related; yet they all had golden eyes, were inhumanly beautiful, and had really pale skin. Suddenly they walked to our table.

APOV

"Please guys! We have to see them. I always wanted to meet Harry Potter!" Edward seemed to consider it so to finish it off I said in my head: _I won't stop unless you say yes Edward. Oh…I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world…_

"Ok! Alice stop singing Barbie girl in your head. I guess it wouldn't hurt…"

Renesmee always backs me up. Oh Bella Thankyou for blessing me with this gift. "They don't smell good to us daddy…." That always made Edward melt. She was so evil.

"Wait." What did Emmet want now! Always ruining the moment. I think Bella saw that I was going to have a fit so she answered instead. "What do you want Emmett before Alice explodes?" Emmett smiled at her. Bella is so kind. She truly is the best sister ever; putting up with my shopping and letting me dress her everyday. "Well…we have to make sure we make it obvious that we are completely in love. Those freaks are NOT stealing our girls!"

By now we were at their table. They were staring at us with surprise and confusion. "Hello." Bella smiled seductively. Stupid Edward. He was about to lose it so I whispered in my head. _Cool it Edward she's playing him. _Edward smiled and Bella continued. She smiled at malthoy, the best angle to play. This could be fun. She looked a little wierd though...so did Emmet...

BPOV

"Hello. I'm Bella and this is my family." I smiled at Draco. Freak. I would never do such a thing if it wasn't for what Emmet did...

"Hi. I'm Draco and I'd like to take you out sometime."

"He. He. Well you see you're big and strong and all but my HUSBAND is much stronger. Plus I'm much too dangerous for you to be around silly. You should know not to mess with a vamp…" Suddenly Alice was on my back a hand clamped over my mouth. "They don't know." She whispered.

Oops. I could swear scar dude heard though…

That was dangerous. I thought wizards would know about us. Ah they would soon. What did we have to lose? "Um anyway. We would like to sit with you. Is that ok?" Scar dude looked confused and a little bit suspicious but said ok.

That was when Alice lost it.

A-Your HARRY POTTER!

H-(Alarmed) you know who I am?

A-Um yeah well um.

Ed-We're from a society aware of wizards.

B-No we're not! We can smell you! Eddykins why can't we tell them?

H-Tell us what?

Ed-no Bella

B-screw u! Wait no! Harry do you want to go and have some fun?

J-What the hell is wrong with her! Her emotions are crazy-By the looks of things.

R-Em?

Ed-I thought she loved me!

A-She does. Em?

Em-What are you looking at me for?

B-Fine then! How about me, you and Ron have a threesome? Oooh what ya say? Jason Derulo...Hey! He can join us too! And Taylor Lautner who looks a lot like Jake! Hey Jake do you want to join us?

J-Bella are you ok? I know we made out but I love Renesmee now!

Ed-Grrr. Emmet?

Em-Fine then. I gave her a bit...ok a lot of 'alcohol for v's'

A-U GAVE HER O NEGATIVE? U KNOW THAT'S ALCOHOL TO US

H-o negative? Blood?

Em-yah blud! U got a problem with dat?

Ed-I think Emmet had some as well.

B-Yeah it was my idea. Eddykins is to boring so I and Emmet went to fangtasia! BTW there's a girl there called SOOKIE...GAY NAME! She can read minds too honey! Anyway when is this gang bang? By the way you might want to be careful I might kill you. Vampires are really strong.

D-She is high! Vamps!

Ed-WE should go!

B-No I prove it come on guys outside. Outside. (Pulls out a tree. Sparkles. Feeds on mountain lion. Looks sexy.) Yeah I own in the face. I am a drunken vampire baby now come on Hermione I thought we were gonna have some lezzie fun!

H- Vampires! Um I left my wand at home!

Ed-Don't worry we only feed on animals. God Emmet you are so stupid!

Emmet-Yeah well Bella and I are fun unlike you guys! Maybe they _want _to be fang bangers!

Bella-We should go back to fangtasia. I really want to eat Tara Thorn!

Alice-No Bella.

Bella-Emmet.

Emmet-Bella.

Edward-You're not going. What do you say about that?

Bella-you want to know what I say about that. What I say about that is....Emmet run!


	2. REALLY IMPORTANT MUST READ AN

**REALLY SORRY BUT YOU MUST READ IF YOU WANT ME TO CARRY ON WITH THIS STORY!!!**

**Ok yeah a couple people said they want me to carry on with this story but I haven't got any ideas.**

**So If u do want me to carry on then send me ideas PLEASE!!!**


	3. Trees! this is not the last chapter

Bella walked over to harry.

"Sorry Mione there's just something about Harry tonight."

Suddenly she started singing:

"_Love is in the air, doo doo doo doo love is in the air..." _As she made her way over to Harry Potter. I growled low in my throat. _My _Bella.

"Come here sexy" she whispered seductively as Harry ran away.

"STUPIFY!" Harry said in a totally gay tone, like oh my god, I am way sexier than that why was I ever having doubts about Bella's cute lil' ass?

OH SHIT! Harry missed Bella and hit me. Bitch.

Then she started snogging him! He struggled but since he was just a little wizard he couldn't beat my Bella! Now that I think about it...watching Bella turns me on...oh shit Emmett spiked my squirrel!

"Uh...uh...Bella why don't you...uh...join me!" Emmett groaned. Everyone looked to find Emmett...humping trees! **(thank you to that fab reviewer who gave me that idea soz I accidently deleted all my messages so I don't know who you are but if you want send me a message if its you and ill giv u a shout out)**

He flew off the first tree and onto another. Then he... kind of...licked it out. I never thought that possible. But nope, he was licking the seedy party of the tree...ey. I had to get this under control! This was _not_ good. But then...I saw her. I couldn't help but steal glances.

Bella was beautiful, so beautiful. But...that tree over there...it makes Bella look like, well, Mike Newton. I, I think I'm in love. It's just so beautiful and kind and sweet. It looks so innocent, I bet it's a virgin! It will be painful, but for the best. I must divorce Bella for the tree. And by the way it looks tonight I'm sure it's much better in bed than Bella. ;) Just thinking about it turns me on.

Just as I was about to run up to my soul mate, _Bella _had to interrupt.

"Emmett. Forget the trees." Then she got an evil grin on her face and bit into Harry Pottymouth.

"Soon my love." I whispered to the tree who I was certain winked at me.

"What the hell Bella?" Rosalie said annoyed. "I'm not waiting around for three days for wannabe scar dude to change into a vampire. I have more important things to do! Like wipe my sexy arse! Outta here!"

The rest of my family murmured lame ass excuses to cover up their pussiness so it was just me, Emmett, Bella, Hermione, Ron, Harry, and of course...the tree.

"We'll stay." Hermione sighed. "Maybe we can keep you three under control."

"Oh! Oh! If we be good to we get candy?" Emmett said.

"Sure."

"Yay! Because I am a good boy I just went potty. _All by Myself._"

Everyone backed away slowly.


	4. Big Brother House

_**This chapter is SPECIAL. It goes out to the one awesome reviewer::: **_

DaughterOfPoseidonAtUrService

_**Thank you for your review it made me smile **____** or as my mum would say... "That made my day" great now I miss my mum.**_

BELLA POV

"Wait!" I saids as a most tragic thought crossed my minded..

"Emmetts we'll like be all soba and borrrringzz by thwee days times!" I whined!

"OMG Cow Bells you're right!"

"Durh now go gets sum more!"

Em came back 10 minutes later with a crate of tat true blood, o-negative. **(A/N: if you watch true blood you'll understand x if you don't and really want to know ask me)**

"Oh my god!" I said once I was all drunktzst up. "Guys come on! We should make Edward our minion!"

"Yeah!" agreed Emmett!

**Author POV**

Emmett and Bella began circling Emmett, in an attempt to look scary and vicious. It was all going well, Edward was backing away slowly.

"I didn't do it! I swear!" He kept shouting and screaming like the sparkly fairy he is. Edward quick;y jumped onto a branch of his 'soul mate'.

"Protect me! Love Protect me! Jesus Christ Repels you!" He screamed as he threw a cross down on Emmett's head.

"Ah shiiiT!" Emmett screamed when the flimsy wood snapped. "That caned Bella! I'm injured! I'm injured!" He cried as he saluted before going over and harassing Hermione, the 'hospital'.

But what happened next made everyone freeze. Edward laughed a manic laughed, and grinned widely, revealing a pair of very sharp, very fake fangs.

"He's a vampire! Everybody run!" Scremaed Bella as she picked up the remains of the cross.

I, got very frustrated with the situation.

"Edward fucking Cullen! You are _not _a vampire you are a sparkly doushebag in a tree!" I was feeling well proud of me like yeah, I'm the author and I do what I want. MMMHHHHMM!

I was about to continue dissing Edward when Emmett farted. Hahaha. Everyone burst out laughing. Edward came down from the tree and they all sat round the campfire singing songs while roasting parts of Victoria's body.

2 hours later...

It was 10pm in the big brother house.

Steve and Dave are in the dining room.

"Yeah big brother called me in. The cheek of 'im right! He was asking about my relationship with my wife!"

"That's rude like. Hey do you know right, I found out that the new housemate tonight is called Sam and apparently he's a tattoo artist and..."

_Ring, Ring, Ring Banana Phone! _

_Ring, Ring, Ring, Ring, Ring Banana Phone!_

"Hello?"

"What? Ohhh... I'm supposed to be doing _'Bella and Emmett get drunk and meet Harry Potter' _right now!"

Fiddle with some papers.

"Um, author person can you hurry up! We're bored over here!"

"Oh fuck off Weasley you're not even drunk!"

"Hey! Don't diss my mate!"

"Harry! You're s_upposed _to be like all drugged up on morphine to make you sleep during the change but it doesn't work but like the nice guy you are you pretend it does and shut up!"

"Now does anyone else have any objections or questions?"

"I..." Emmett started.

"And if it's Meany bombiny then I'll go back to authoring Hannah Montana. Got it?"

"Yes Author."

"Good."

**HPOV (HERMIONE)**

This was so strange and unreal! And we needed to try and sober up the vampires but there's no way we can. I sighed, we must just wait for Harry to change into a vampire.

I noticed every now and then Emmett and Bella would steal glances at each other and then at Edwin? Edwo? Edwardian Cheese?

Anyway, it was about midnight when it happened. I was in my tent getting ready to go to sleep whilst Ron was on Harry watch; we didn't trust that Bella. She acts like she's going to rape him as soon as we're not looking.

"3...2...7...take off!" Emmett yelled at him and Bella tackled Edward.

Emmett pinned him down as Bella put 2 swirly discs over her eyes.

"Loook intoooo my aye aye aye!-es (you know like when that person says it like i-i-i! ?) You are now our evil minion." Then Bella stood up and started doing the moon walk...badly.

She continued to do this for half and hour or so, with Edward going crazier by the second, before Micheal Jackson came back from the dead and knocked her out.

"come on! It must be here somewhere!" Said Edward as he fought off Emmett.

"Aha!" He said as he switched emmett's settings back to demo mode. I didn't know Emmett was a toy.

"Buzz light year! To infinity...and beyond! What do you need captain?"

Ok, I like this Emmett

1 hour later.

I take it back. It got annoying once he started to fly around me. Or rather, try.

When Edward wasn't looking, I fixed him. Well at least I think I did...

"Emmett?" I asked cautiously.

"Hallo, meine Liebe. Heirate mich dann vergewaltigte mich nach hinten."

_**That was the next chapter up durh. Next chapter probably be last. I feel like a right plonk for doing it as a one shot then somebody tells me to continue so I ask for help and carry on months later. That's just how I roll... **_

_**TRANSLATION**_

_**It means:**_

_**Hello, my love. Marry me then rape me backwards.**_

_**It's German.**_

_**I got the idea from my brother making me watch toy story 3... :S**_


End file.
